No matter how we lose a dog it’s heartbreaking, but when a dog goes missing whether he got out or was stolen, it can be even harder because there’s a good chance that pet parent will never know what happened. Add to the grief possible feelings of guilt, blame, responsibility and failure.
Was the back gate not secure enough? Why was the dog left alone in the yard? I never should have hired that pet sitter…
Here’s a closer look at the grief that comes from losing a furry friend and how to navigate through those tough emotions.
Understanding the Depth of Your Loss
When a dog goes missing, it’s natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions. Surprise, sadness, anger, even guilt—these feelings can hit you like a tidal wave. Dogs provide companionship, loyalty, and joy. Their absence creates a hole that can’t be filled easily. It’s okay to grieve deeply because losing a dog is losing a constant source of love and support.
The Search for Clarity
Searching for your lost dog can be a mix of hope and despair. You might spend hours putting up flyers, checking shelters, posting on social media or calling friends. Each moment spent searching can feel like both a way to keep your hopes alive and a reminder of the uncertainty you’re facing. Think of it like a puzzle; every piece you find brings you closer to the picture—but some pieces might be missing altogether.
Finding Ways to Cope
You know you would never allow this to happen on purpose, and you must keep reminding yourself of this.
Rather than keeping all those emotions bottled up, going around and around inside your head, how about writing a letter to your dog. In it you can express everything you’re feeling and everything you want to say. I wrote an article about the loss of one of my dogs, and even though the circumstances were different, I was surprised by how much it helped me.
Make a list of everything you’ve done for your dog, all the ways you cared and loved him or her.
Write out a list of everything you’ve done to try and find your dog, including who you’ve contacted and where you’ve posted. What else can you think of to do?
Allowing Yourself to Feel
I know you’re busy searching and barely have time to think, but it’s vital to let yourself feel your emotions. Bottling them up is like keeping a soda can shaken; eventually, it will explode! Talk to friends or family about how you feel, and if you don’t get the understanding and compassion you need, find a support group. Sharing your memories can help ease the sting of loss. After all, your dog held a special place in your life, and honoring that bond can bring comfort.
Creating a Tribute
Many people find solace in creating a tribute to their lost dog. Whether it’s a photo book, a scrapbook, or a special spot in your yard, honoring your dog can help you remember the good times. This tribute becomes a space for reflection and love, keeping your dog’s spirit alive in your heart.
Finding Support in Community
Often, friends, family, or community members want to help but might not know how. Sharing your journey on social media can rally people to support your search or provide comforting words. You’re not alone in this; many people understand the pain of losing a furry friend and can stand by you.
When to Stop Looking
The hardest question to answer is, when will you stop looking and start dealing with the grief. This is such a personal question unique to you and your situation, and can really only be answered by you. Every once in awhile (every week or two perhaps?) take a quiet moment and ask yourself if it’s time to stop looking or you’re not there yet. Do what feels right for you.
Conclusion: Cherishing the Bond and Moving Forward
Grieving for a dog that’s lost is a journey filled with ups and downs. Allow yourself to feel, remember, and honor that special bond. Your feelings matter, and taking the time to recognize them is just as important as searching for a lost friend. With love and time, the pain can lessen, leaving only the fond memories that will forever warm your heart. Always remember, your dog might be gone, but that love will never fade.
Gradually, you might find ways to open your heart to new experiences, but it’s okay to take your time. Each day can be a step toward acceptance, just like learning to ride a bike—you might wobble at first, but eventually, you’ll find your balance again.
**I help senior dog parents struggling with anticipatory grief and quality of life issues by offering practical tips, advice and one on one support. I am also a Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist, helping you navigate through your pet loss journey.
Visit my services page to book a FREE 20 minute discovery call, or email me (Hindy) at hpearson141@gmail.com if you have any questions.
I’ve been rescuing and caring for senior dogs since 2009. From vision and hearing loss to obesity, dementia, kidney disease, liver issues, cardiac problems, Cushing’s, mobility challenges and more, you could say I’ve dealt with and learned a lot! In addition to my hands on experience, I’ve taken many courses and earned several qualifications to keep learning how to help senior dogs and they include: Senior Dog Enrichment, Understanding Canine Anxiety, Care of the Senior Pet and I’m a Certified Pet Loss Specialist.
What a heartfelt post. Many years ago, my family had dogs go missing. A van was seen by our property and seen snatching them. We lived in the country at the time, and my mother jumped in her car and tried to follow them, but they lost her. A few days later one of our collies came back, dopey from drugs, but she found her way home. Her buddy, my mother’s heart dog, never returned. And he would have for sure if he could. For years, always really, it haunted us a to what happened to him. What you said about cherishing the moments spent with them and trying to move is on the mark. But it’s hard. I still tear up about this, and it’s been 50 years. Sharing this as I know there are many others who could use your kind, helpful words.
My goodness Dorothy how shocking. I can’t imagine how your mother must have felt when chasing them, hoping to catch them. Thank goodness one of them made it home, but to live with that wonder isn’t easy. No matter how much time has passed, it was such a traumatic event for all of you it’s only something you can learn to carry with you, while not letting it overwhelm you. Definitely easier said than done.
This is such a helpful guide for those who lose their dogs. It is a terrible feeling to not know where your dog is and what happened. This is why advocate chipping your pet. Even if it has passed, you get some kind of closure for your terrible grief.
I like your suggestion that people look as themselves every so often and see if they feel ready to let go. There is no timetable or schedule for grieving and only the dog’s Mum and Dad know.
I couldn’t agree more about microchipping and its importance. I’ve found a few dogs in my day and they were always reunited with their families thanks to that. I can’t imagine figuring out how to cope with the not knowing.
Excellent article, Hindy on how to navigate the loss of an escaped furry buddy. I’m lucky that the few times my fur kids went roaming, I was able to retrieve them and securely them safely at home. You’re absolutely correct, that the love never ends.
Thank goodness you were able to get them back. Unfortunately accidents happen, it’s figuring out how to live with those consequences. Luckily you weren’t put in that situation.
Such a fantastic post and so many should read it, I have never lost a dog but it would kill me if it happened – I do everything to keep them safe at home at all times
Thanks. We had a puppy mill rescue who got out of her collar and took off. She had spent 8 years on a puppy farm breeding and was so terrified she peed if you looked at her. It was my fault for not having her in a harness, but you don’t know what you don’t know. I drove around looking, my husband cycled and no sign of her. I called every vet and animal unit of the police and thankfully a few hours later we got a knock on the door. A policeman was able to catch her, she was obviously so exhausted from running. I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t been found. I can’t blame the shelter, but I wish they would have made the harness suggestion, but I certainly learned my lesson.
I am so paranoid and worried about losing our dogs. I used to have a runner/escape artist and this dictated the type of house we bought, where it was located, doors used, etc. I can’t imagine the pain of not knowing where my fur kids were and if they were ok.
I know exactly what you mean, the thought of them taking off and never finding them would be too much to bear. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life wondering if they were okay.